Actually, last night I played a game of frisbee. I had never played this before. Unless, running back and forth and jumping with a disk flying around in the perimeter can be considered playing a sport. But for last night, and for this morning, I can safely say that I did play.
I jumped and I threw and I caught and I ran.
Oh! I ran!
I learned and I tried and felt like I can!
Oh! I can!
And all of this felt amazing. I think I have had a belief about myself that I can’t run and I can’t play and I don’t have the stamina for it, or that, I don’t have the skill for it. Long back, in school, I started thinking of myself as not-the-sporty-kind-of-girl. Last night, I realised that maybe I am not, not-the-sporty-kind-of-girl. But more than this I realised that I don’t need to be the not-sporty-kind-of-girl or the-sporty-kind-of-girl or any-kind-of-girl or some-kind-of-boy or.. Aaah! Even writing these labels is exhausting, forget about thinking about them, living up to them, living with them.
This time when I played I just played. I didn’t think about who I am or am not, what I want or want not, what I have or have not. A lot of this also came from the team I played with, who did not expect me to be, or not be, anyone; didn’t need me to do, or do not, anything.
With this state of mind and body, free of labels and judgment, I could just play. And when I could do this, I found that it was also easier to learn to play well. I didn’t need to. But I just wanted to have the maximum amount of fun that I could have, and playing the game well would give me that. So I tried.
Today morning, as soon as I entered school, the prospect of playing a game emerged. And to my great surprise, I didn’t hesitate. I wasn’t conscious. I wasn’t scared of being exposed and everyone seeing how funny I look when I run or I didn’t have sounds of hushed giggling when I drop a catch. I just felt wow. Now, this is not a frisbee fairy tale, so I can’t say that suddenly I played like a champion. I have not a single catch to describe or 10 seconds of holding the disk, with my pulse rising, all eyes on me. I have a fall. I have some running and panting and watching the disk fly between my hands before I bring them together to hold it… I also have years of believing I can’t play that dissolved into the dust; loud jeers, that I dodged with louder laughs, which faded into silence… And most of all, I have a love to play, renewed and refreshed and freed from its chains, which is flowing through my legs. And a vision of a disk flying above and I, running below in sync… a slight lift and together! So, maybe, this is a frisbee fairy tale, after all!
Contributed by Pooova Agarwal, Learning Facilitator and Curriculum Designer at Sparkling Mindz Global School.
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