"But you haven't finished your take home yet," said her mom.
"I'll do it after I play," shouted Pari as she breezed out of her front room door.
Her mother could only watch furious, knowing very well that "the doing homework after play part" was never going to happen. She braced herself for another evening of shouting, screaming, blaming and clawing through the dreaded homework finishing chore.
This was their everyday story. She would go down to play and not come back until late. It turned into extreme rude behaviour towards the mother and when the father tried to step in, the situation turned into a mayhem with a lot more aggression and violence.
The parent decided to take an appointment with me to tell me about the situation at home. Before that happened I decided to have a chat with the child.
Me: I heard about the situation at home, what do you think is happening?
P: I like playing and learning. Just because I go to play doesn't mean I don't like learning.
Me: Okay, so given a choice between learning and playing - what would you choose?
P: Playing
Me: Why?
P: Because it is running, catching and all my favourite games. I really like playing those games which are same as what we play at school too with my friends
Me: Ok and you don't like to learn because it is not as much fun as playing
P: Yes
Me: Have you thought about why?
P: I don't know
Me: Here at school when we make learning fun ,you enjoy right?
P: Yes, I do
Me: So, what is different at home?
P: I might make a mistake when I'm doing something at home
Me: Oh! And…
P: I don't think I can do it well also and sometimes I don't know what to do or how to do it
Me: Ok, I understand. So, you are telling me that you are not good at learning yet and that's why you like to play more than learn
P: Uh…yes
Me: Ok, so do you think you will get good at learning by going off to play constantly?
P: No
Me: So, what do you think you should do? How can you make learning your friend?
P: By sitting next to someone who will not distract me, by listening in class, by asking if I don't understand
Me: What happens if you don't think you make learning your friend?
P: I should tell myself I think I can
Me: But, do you think you can?
P (after a long pause): No. I think I can't. I think others are better than me
Me: Who says so?
P: My lazy brain
Me: What can your smart brain tell it?
P: That you can do it?
Me: Okay, what will make your smart brain believe that you can?
P: I've to show that I can. That I can't go under it, I can't go over it, I can't go around it. I've to go through it! I've to keep going through tough challenges then my smart brain will believe and it can tell lazy brain that, "I can do it".
A child's confidence in learning can determine how they feel about it and hence, what kind of stories and attitudes they develop which in turn drives their behaviours of running away or towards learning. The way to a child's learning lies in that confidence and each of us plays a key role in building that.
Contributed by Sreeja Iyer, CEO & Founder, Sparkling Mindz Global School, Preschool, & Afterschool
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