What would you do if you ever felt like you weren't part of a group, that you had no friends, that you felt like nobody liked you? 

How would you feel? 

Moreover, how do you think a child feels when she feels like she has no friends, that she isall alone, that nobody likes her?

Our 4 year old K had been finding it difficult to connect and be friends with her classmates, feeling alone and sad but not sure how to solve it by herself; neither did she have clarity on why and what she was feeling. 

The time came then for our 4 year olds to get a new set of library books to take and read at home. Out of those books, was one tiny treasure called 'Something  Else' by Kathryn Cave and Chris Riddell. The book is about a little creature the other animals call 'Something Else' because it doesn't look like the others. The storyline moves through the emotions faced by the creature when it felt alone, sad, lonely because of how others treated it and called it 'Something Else'. The book however ends on a happy note where another creature that looks like none other comes into the picture and they become the best of friends. 


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Call it luck, call it a connection, K found it and took it home for the week. Days pass by, the book made its rounds with the others without any of us realizing how deep a connection K had made with the creature in the book called 'Something Else', until it was brought to our attention by her mother. K had been feeling like she was Something Else in the class as she felt alone, lonely and sad. Reading that book gave her the vocabulary and understanding of her emotions and feelings that she connected to, resulting in her opening up about it to her parents. 

When it was brought to the attention of the school, we decided to dive right in, as we always do. With her in particular, we have been working on communication skills, and as a class, social skills and making friends with new children were on the focus. Because of the initial layer of work that was already done, when K's emotions were brought in the picture, children found it easier to empathize and suggest solutions.

We read the book today, it being a Thursday where we usually read a book for our Library Routine. We chose 'Something Else' to read and everybody was excited and jumping on their mats, except for K. She looked quiet and withdrawn throughout. However, we proceeded. Children kept empathizing with the character and vocalizing about the scenes in the book. Post the reading session, the floor was open for questions and further discussions. 

"Have you ever felt like how 'Something Else' was feeling? " 

Nobody answered as such. 

The question then was repeated to K to which she whispered a yes. She then came and stood with us in the front for the issue to be discussed further. We held her throughout to let her know that she was safe in our circle. 

"Because I am alone like Something Else. Nobody is not playing with me." meaning to say that nobody played with her.

The whole class of the 4-year olds sat quiet and looked concerned as she spoke as they now knew exactly how she felt. 

"We will be friends with you. " 
"We will play with you." 
"I will write a letter for you at my home. I will bring it for you. You can take it home."
"I will play with you K"...

And on and on went children, soothing her heart. 

There was no need of further conversations and this culminated in a a gentle group hug where they just held her. And T planted her a kiss in the end. ​

Developing a vocabulary to express how they are feeling is a good first step to seeking help when someone is feeling left out, lonely or upset. Children, when not felt supported and loved, can develop all kinds of insecurities right from childhood that could take a long time to move out of. As important as it is to make them feel loved, supported and belonged, it's also important equip them to love, support and be there for one another. 


Contributed by Sruthy Krishna, Learning Facilitator at Sparkling Mindz Global Preschool.

​A bright sunny morning, our 5-6 year olds were at the playground. They were divided into two teams to play a game of Dodge Ball. The rules were set and the teams were rearing to go. An had the ball in her hand as it was decided that she would start the game but Av wanted to be the one to start the game. He was trying to forcefully pull the ball away from An's hands. 

Seeing that his repeated requests are not working Av starts to cry. Soon the other children gather around. Some try to coax An while others try to convince Av, as they are keen on
getting back to the fun of playing the game. 

​D (walking up to An, trying to negotiate): An, see how Av is crying. Let him have the ball.
Av, now has an even more sad expression, looking for more supporters.
Few of the children agree saying Av should have the ball.
Av: Yes, An look how I am crying. Let me have the ball.
An is still not convinced.

D: Crying children only should have the ball. An, give the ball to Av.
Then turning to me, he says,
D: Ma’am, crying children should have the ball. Please tell An to give the ball.
Me: Okay, so every time a child cries, and we give the child what he wants, what will the child
learn?
Na: He will think, if I cry, I will get it
Me: Exactly, so is that a good solution?
Most of them disagree.

Me: Then D, if we now give the ball to Av because he is crying, are we helping Av?
D: No, ma’am.

This idea is dropped and they start looking for other ways to solve the problem. Av now decides
to wipe away his tears realizing that this is not working. 
​

Now the children have separated into two groups, one group working on convincing Av and the
other group on convincing An. In Av’s group, D comes up with a proposal.
D: Ok, Av, you do one thing. When we go back to the class, you hold the ball.
Av suddenly brightens up and agrees. Now this group walks up to the other, to see if An would
agree to this proposal.
D: An, you can start the game now. When we go back to class, Av will hold the ball. Okay?
An: I’m okay with that

With Av and An agreeing to D’s proposal, finally the problem was resolved and the game
resumed. In the process, all of them had flexed their conflict resolution muscle and gained confidence that they can figure out solutions to problems no matter how unsolvable and unreasonable they may sound to begin with.
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As we step back and reflect on the incident, we realize that there are several things that children did right
1. They didn't give up in the face of repeat set backs to solve the problem
2. They came up with newer solutions from different dimensions, it was never more of the same
3. They didn't write off or judge either of their friends
4. They didn't take sides
5. They resolved the issue as a class, as a team
6. Despite emotions running high, they kept an ear open for a suggestion that would work
7. They understood that, perhaps, the dispute was just about who got to hold the ball, not about who started the game, that led to their creative solution (showing sprouts of empathy here!)
8. At no point, did they ask the facilitator to solve the problem for them, they persevered, they trusted themselves enough to continue working on it
9. The facilitator stepped back and only stepped in when there was a pull from the children (only to the extent necessary)

Children who experience trust in their capabilities from adults around them and learn to take ownership of their relationships, learning and more become confident problem solvers. They are an inspiration to each one of us, as children should be!

We wonder what inspirational lessons we will learn from our 5 year olds next?

Documented by Jennifer Christy, Learning Facilitator at Sparkling Mindz Global Preschool
Edited by Sreeja Iyer CEO Sparkling Mindz Global