It was around 9:30am in the morning and we only had daycare functioning that day. I had decided to drop by and say hi to the children. Only Ad, a 5 year old, had arrived by then. I went in to see him playing with a set of kitchen toys. He was really happy to see me and I decided to strike up a conversation.
He talked a little about how much he enjoyed the Annual day (which had just got over), how happy he was to see his Mommy in the audience and also about a step that he had forgotten in the dance. All of a sudden his eyes lit up as he said,
Ad: Ma'am, I'm so excited! My Papa is coming today.
Me: Oh wow! Is it?
Ad: Yes, he'll come in the night when I'll be sleeping and I'm not coming to school tomorrow.
Me: So you are going to spend the day with your Papa?
Ad: Yes, he's my best best best friend at home! He plays catch-catch with me. We play so much!
Me: That's awesome, where had he been?
Ad: He went to the US, I used to think he doesn't love me and he went away.
Me: Really! What do you think now?
Ad: I think, he goes just for work. But I don't like it when he goes. I think he'll not go again.
He talked a little about how much he enjoyed the Annual day (which had just got over), how happy he was to see his Mommy in the audience and also about a step that he had forgotten in the dance. All of a sudden his eyes lit up as he said,
Ad: Ma'am, I'm so excited! My Papa is coming today.
Me: Oh wow! Is it?
Ad: Yes, he'll come in the night when I'll be sleeping and I'm not coming to school tomorrow.
Me: So you are going to spend the day with your Papa?
Ad: Yes, he's my best best best friend at home! He plays catch-catch with me. We play so much!
Me: That's awesome, where had he been?
Ad: He went to the US, I used to think he doesn't love me and he went away.
Me: Really! What do you think now?
Ad: I think, he goes just for work. But I don't like it when he goes. I think he'll not go again.
Those lines got me thinking about how children interpret their parents' absence in their lives, even for a short while. It all directly translates to - they don't love me or I'm not good enough!
In our culture, we often don't see a need to involve children, especially this young, in our decisions, which often leaves them feeling left out or insecure. When we trust them to understand and also acknowledge their feelings, we can start to have a meaningful and respectful conversation with them about how they feel and what can be done about situations that are sometimes beyond our control. We can also talk to them about priorities and they learn to negotiate the real world, understand what matters to you and not just themselves and so on....in short, it helps them to learn and grow as individuals who in future have to navigate these decisions and emotions on their own.
It is extremely important to have conversations and set expectations with children regarding the changes they are going to deal with, this will equip them to cope with it with much ease, without disrupting their emotions. Even if they don't agree, it's still important to talk and discuss as it will help build the bond of trust between the parent and the child. Trust me, they eventually do understand!
Coming back to Ad, the transformation in this child was amazing to see. The same child who would cry and be upset for days every time his dad left, was showing such a deep level of trust and understanding with his parents. As a school, modeling trust-based conversations and interactions with a child for parents is an important aspect of the relationship we develop with each parent and child. It has helped Ad transform and so have several other children and parents. Experiencing the bliss of close connect, trust and empathetic connect with your child is unparalleled and seeing your child grow with these values is icing on the cake for the parent!
Contributed by Yashika CG, Asst. Learning Facilitator at Sparkling Mindz.
In our culture, we often don't see a need to involve children, especially this young, in our decisions, which often leaves them feeling left out or insecure. When we trust them to understand and also acknowledge their feelings, we can start to have a meaningful and respectful conversation with them about how they feel and what can be done about situations that are sometimes beyond our control. We can also talk to them about priorities and they learn to negotiate the real world, understand what matters to you and not just themselves and so on....in short, it helps them to learn and grow as individuals who in future have to navigate these decisions and emotions on their own.
It is extremely important to have conversations and set expectations with children regarding the changes they are going to deal with, this will equip them to cope with it with much ease, without disrupting their emotions. Even if they don't agree, it's still important to talk and discuss as it will help build the bond of trust between the parent and the child. Trust me, they eventually do understand!
Coming back to Ad, the transformation in this child was amazing to see. The same child who would cry and be upset for days every time his dad left, was showing such a deep level of trust and understanding with his parents. As a school, modeling trust-based conversations and interactions with a child for parents is an important aspect of the relationship we develop with each parent and child. It has helped Ad transform and so have several other children and parents. Experiencing the bliss of close connect, trust and empathetic connect with your child is unparalleled and seeing your child grow with these values is icing on the cake for the parent!
Contributed by Yashika CG, Asst. Learning Facilitator at Sparkling Mindz.
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